God Created Evolution

Living through our current culture wars gets me down from time to time. We act as though every cultural issue we come up with only has two diametrically opposed sides and we must choose whose truth we will believe. And if we choose that truth we take all that goes with it even if it goes against what is best for ourselves and our families. I'm taking none of it.

The creation vs. evolution debate gets me riled every time. This issue has been discussed ad nauseum, but essentially the creationists and evolutionists are talking past each other. They represent two different systems of thought that use different ways of thinking. It's like explaining art using math and vice versa. You can explain how Jackson Pollock used fractals in his paintings (which is how they find the fakes), but it won't be able to explain what it's like to stand in front of his paintings and feel your soul enter a new place. Just like knowing that 2+2, 2x2, and 22 all equal four does not move my heart to greater beauty and understanding of my soul (although it is pretty cool.)

The scientific world does a pretty good job explaining the world that can be observed using our 5 senses and overall I have no beef with it. Religion deals in the realm of the unseen -- of mystery. Religion that deals with certainty is where we go wrong -- and yes, I have a beef with that.

We have a book written between 6,000 and 2,000 years ago that contains a lot of Truth, but to force those writers into a scientific mindset is madness. And to equate truth with fact is foolish. Science and Religion inform each other, but they should not rule each other. I think the religious world so often forgets that our power lies outside of the systems -- that's where our true influence is; bringing kindness and compassion to a world that lacks it and speaking truth and justice to world that does not want to hear it. Somewhere along the line, certain churches and denominations began to feel that they were the oppressed because they didn't like what they heard, so instead of speaking for the poor and the disenfranchised, they spoke for themselves, demanding rights and power. They use the Bible as a weapon and many, many people have turned away from seeking any spiritual truth because of it. And then the church just represents another system that's after power and domination.

And the question at the end of the day is, so what? What does it matter how we came to be? The important thing is what we do here and now. We can be informed by the scientific mindset and an earth millions of years old, and we can live in the grace of being made by a loving God. It seems like forcing God into a box of 6 days and a few thousand years of life makes God a lot smaller. What an amazing thing to think we evolved from cells to the amazing creatures that we are. What strikes fear into people's hearts to think we evolved from the same creatures as monkeys? And while I'm glad most of us have evolved past eating our own poo, thinking of our cellular connection to all living things on this earth inspires me to awe and gratitude for this amazing world teeming with life, mine and yours included.

It's time for a paradigm shift. Instead of either / or, it's both / and. The culture wars are a lack of imagination. What if both sides of an issue represented an aspect of truth, and what if they were a million more ways to look at the same issue? And what if, instead of fighting about it and insisting we are the only ones with truth, we listened to each other and gained more knowledge and truth? Let's set aside our self-righteousness and begin to listen to each other. We might actually learn something.

The Dark Side of Imagination

Last night I had a dream that I was driving down the road and a huge wave of water came past and swept Ezra away. I could see him getting further and further away, and I kept calling his name, "Ezra! Ezra!" Finally he reached toward me and I pulled him out of the water. I woke up with my heart pounding with mother love and fear. I longed to go and hold him, but alas he was at Grandma and Grandpa's house. All day I've been flashing the scene of his beautiful face, an odd shade of green from the water, floating away from me. I could not wait for my sweet Ezra to come home, so I could see him and hold him and know he really was here with me.

A few nights ago, Andy and I watched "Fast Food Nation." Andy doesn't get to see all the dramatic movies he'd like because I really cannot handle the visualization of violence and terror. Halfway through this movie, he began to apologize (sweet man that he is) and I've been flashing a few scenes from that movie as well. I've been so disturbed by the message of that movie. I've been near tears all day.

Being a highly creative person means that I cannot handle all the world has to offer. It all so easily gets to my soul, and the pain of this world quickly overwhelms me. I refuse to stick my head in the sand, but I do have to be careful with what I put in my head -- especially visual things. I still see images from the "Children of the Corn" which I saw 25 years ago and "Romero" which I saw 15 years ago. The visual impact makes it so real for me, and I become paralyzed with despair.

And that's just movies. I have visions when I'm going to sleep that are so vivid -- awful faces and surfaces. I used to worry about that space between awake and asleep, especially in college. I now know I'm safe and see them through knowing they are my shadow side working things out. And I pay close attention to the dreams that wake me up. I've had prophetic dreams and know that is a gift, but the initial terror that comes with them is still a shock. And I of course love to interpret my dreams because it takes some of the intensity away from the images and leads me to new and often better places on my spiritual journey.

I don't want to wish this dark side away either. It's important to embrace all that I am -- both the light and the dark. Being raised Christian means I've been taught to always look for the light , to be afraid of the dark (and the figure of the devil), and I took those lessons in well. I do look for the light as best as I can and I am still afraid of the dark. But I am ever so slowly learning that the dark has much to teach as well, and to deny it just makes it scarier. Matthew Fox in his book, "Original Blessing" talks about the via negativa, the way of the dark. This is the way of the womb, of mystery, of trusting what I cannot see. In some ways I know this way well because this is the way of creating. When I'm in the midst of creating, there is a time of gestating an idea. I let it sit in my unconscious and trust that when it is ready, it will come forward and make itself known. And when I trust this process, it almost always makes for a good and deep piece of art.

I've also been to a lot of funerals lately and I know some of my "bad" dreams have been working out this recent confrontation of death. Anna, my very intuitive daughter, has also been having bad dreams, and I'm guessing she's doing the same thing. Death is the ultimate darkness, the ultimate mystery. I don't know that there is a heaven. I don't know if there is a hell. I don't know if it's all a big nothingness, or a great communion with the cosmos. I do know I'm not really living for the next life, I'm living this life to the fullest and letting the next mystery take care of itself. But when my mind leaps to the end of this life, I'd like to think that working through the dark side of my imagination now will make that transition a little easier.

Well I'm off to bed -- to sleep in the dark, waiting for the light.

Taxes Are Not the Enemy

In my studio cleanse, I've found my tax packet. It always comes during the Christmas rush. I dump it in my studio and then find it in January. The first couple of years I missed the Feb. deadline and had to pay my full 6% sales tax. I called the government panicked that I would owe hundreds in fines. The lady about laughed when I told her I owed $6.54. She said they can't open them all until June anyway.

Now, I'm a bit weird about taxes because I feel really proud when I write my check to the government. I'm glad to know I'm doing my part to help support this society I live in. I want my schools and roads and services in my city, county, state, and country to be good. I don't agree with everything the various governing bodies choose to do, but I think 80% of what they do is good. I also think that most of our government are doing the best they can with the resources they have. Andy, my husband, used to cover city government meetings for newspapers and there are a lot of talented people doing good work there. Even the jerks are rarely incompetent, and they usually have amazing secretaries. I also know lots of people who work for the city and county. Again, really good people doing really good jobs. And holding back or even complaining about the money we spend just makes us cranky and suspicious. There seems to be some sense that every aspect of government is wasting money hand over fist, but this is just not true. And if you're jealous about the perks government employees receive, perhaps you should work on getting benefits and equitable treatment for everyone, instead of taking away what you do not have. The more we think the government is the enemy, the more it will live into that role. The more we invest in the government with our time, money, and good intentions, the more we'll reap.

And when I say us, I mean all of us. When will we learn that supporting those less fortunate than us, supports our whole social system? If we educate instead of imprison, spend extra money to keep everyone healthy, have compassion instead of judgment, we increase who we are as a nation. I am a bleeding heart liberal patriot. I love this country and show that love by voting, willingly paying my taxes, and doing my best to speak respectfully about people who work for the government. I keep hoping for a sense of civility in our country. Perhaps if those who are making decisions didn't have to protect themselves from the citizens they're supposed to represent, they could make some better decisions. And yes I know about special interests, lobbies, corporations, and so on. That quickly gets overwhelming and sad, but I just take a deep breath, write my check, do my part, and hope for the best. Try it.

Stuff

Whenever I work in my studio, I light some incense. This reminds me that no matter how mundane my activities, what I do is sacred. The smell of incense (green tea or lavender) keeps me focused on beauty.

My studio has for several years been piled high with stuff. Because I paint (acrylic on canvas), dye silk and other fibers, sew, embroider, draw, linoleum cut printmaking, and run a business selling my things, I have an enormous amount of stuff. I have a love / hate relationship with stuff. If I'm inspired to work, I want my materials NOW. But it takes a lot of energy to keep track of it all. In the next weeks I will be going through everything in my studio with one word on my mind -- ruthless. I want to go into my studio stripped of oughts and shoulds, of sentimentality, and remove everything that is holding me back from creating.

There are times when it is appropriate to strip down to the basics. There is a truth in simplicity -- in pruning back for new growth. Several years ago I had an art burning. I went through all of my art and pulled everything I hated, thought was amateurish, was unfinished. My friends who live in the country let me use their burn pile and I burned it all. The beauty of the flames licking then consuming my art was incredibly freeing.

Life is transient. Nothing we have will last, so why hold so tight to it now? I struggle to not be identified by my stuff. We receive a lot of messages about how what we own tells who we are, and I'm easily swayed. I like my collections, I like my art, I like my house, I like my machines (sewing, ipod, computer), I like stuff. What I don't like is the energy it takes to maintain all my stuff. And my energy (life force) is much more important than my stuff, so, in my search of beauty, truth, simplicity, sacredness, creativity, and all that truly lasts, I will be ruthless in my studio. And I will light incense to remind myself of the beauty of ruthlessness.